So I do not like feeling closed in.
I have been claustrophobic for as long as I can remember.
I adore my wide open skies and places, the colors of this crazy old world and feeling free.
At 3:30am I awoke with such terror....as I looked out my window to nothing. No stars, no clouds.
Just smoky haziness.
I have been up since then trying to fight waves of this panic feeling.
Going from ideas from hopping in my car and driving until there is blue sky above me-
to booking a flight anywhere! just to rise up out of this smothering smoke.
I went swimming to try to clear my head and lungs, hoping the "blue water" would alleviate the attack of panic continually rising in my head. It worked...until someone there asked..."Is it me or is there a haze of smoke above the water?"....
Mind over matter.
Trying to drive home from the pool (which is 20minutes from my home)...looked like this:
They say this heavy smoke will last a couple more days.
I think I can make it through...but my mind will be somewhere else.
And aside from curling up under my blankets trying to calm my panicky heart...I will dwell on the happy, good, color, and sweetness of the life I once knew just a couple days ago....
(yes i sound dramatic...but this is my panic area.
Claustrophobia is my mind-downfall....)
Happy thoughts to start....
Happy weekend everyone!
I'll be dwelling on happy puzzle pieces today...and tomorrow....and the next.....