indecisiveness, choices, choosing

 I'm pretty sure I'm an indecisive person;)
I think I always have been.

When I look back over the past 20 years or so...even in my early teens- I always seemed to lament over decisions to be made. It never seemed easy.
And over time I haven't gotten any better.
{example: races come up, and as the deadline approaches I still am humming and hawing about whether to sign up or not. Even though I've done all the training and mental work.}
There's a triathlon in September I have said I am doing....i think. I've swam, biked, and ran hard over the past couple months just to prepare. I have bought a tri-suit and figured out where to rent a wet suit. I have practiced open water swims. But... STILL have not registered.
Doubts fill my head. The easy part seems to be the preparation.

And that's JUST IT!
The hard part for me- choosing to commit to a decision.
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choices.
In almost every circumstance in my life ....
I can choose joy. I can choose to be bitter. (And I can even choose to race or not.)
Choices every day over everything. (Don't know why it's seeming overwhelming.)

I think the choices I am having to make regarding relationships is a big one for me.
Relationships are the root of us. They can cause us to grow.
Or falter.
Maybe that's why I waiver when it comes to relationships. It's a scary business.

Then...... this past week a particular instance changed my thinking. I was offended instantly....but for some reason a switch went on in my head.
WHAT IF...instead of letting this person cause me to get angry....I choose to rise above it.
WHAT IF...I choose this incident and this person help me to grow.
(In this particular case...I had to choose pretty quick...my kids were sitting right beside me.)

And for one of the very first times...my indecisiveness took wings...and flew.
I chose right then that this person and what they had done, would benefit me positively.
I suddenly felt compassion instead of anger for this person.
I realized that to become angry in return....would lead to bitterness.
I chose, and still am choosing, to allow this to help me and my kids grow.
It wasn't easy. It STILL is not easy.
But I chose.

The choices I make today will affect all my tomorrows.
I want to war against my indecisiveness....my new challenge- I'm sure for quite a while.
Whether it's as simple as whether or not to sign up for a triathlon, or choosing to feel compassion instead of bitterness toward an offender....I am going to choose.

I finally am realizing- just what freedom there is in being able to choose.
And actually making the decision to do so!!

Enough of my rambling.....I need to go register for the triathlon in September.

I have all the gear anyway.

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